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February 21, 2003
Dear Pastor Malone,
Hi, I'm 15 years old, and I have been dating my boyfriend for a while now, and we've become really close. I know that he has had sex before and I know he's ready, he's had a bad past and has regretted alot of things he's done. This would be my first time, and he told me that he wishes he could have saved himself for me. I realize all the consequences of sex, and I've told him before that I wasn't ready, he told me he would not pressure me into anything, and he hasn't, but inside I am so tempted and want to so badly, but I know that God considers it a sin. I am very lost...I want to participate in sexual intercourse, but don't want to dissappoint God, and be a sinner. Please Help.
Thank you for your email. This is a very critical email and very important to your Christian life. I am assuming that you are a Christian and want to continue to live in the will of God.
If you are a Christian, you have been saved by grace and this grace is not subject to your actions. But don't get me wrong, God is serious when He says that sex before marriage is wrong and will not be overlooked or tolerated.
Here is my advice. Whatever you do don't have sex with anyone outside of marriage. I don't care how close you may be to your boyfriend or how bad you want to have sex. It's wrong and you will pay a price that will be heavier than you can ever imagine.
Let me tell you about the power of sex and why the Lord said it is reserved for marriage. When you have sex with someone, a special bond is created that neither you nor I can understand or control. Especially women, are automatically bonded to a man they are having sex with...as if they were married. If this relationship does not work out (which it almost 100% of the time never does) that bond you've developed is still there. You can't get rid of it and it won't go away...ever! You may find other boyfriends or lovers or even get married, but you will always have a little love for that person.
Today, men and women at an early age are experimenting with sex and multiple partners over time. They don't understand that they are giving a part of themselves away to every partner, and with it, the bond of love and trust is diminished with each relationship. They come to the place that they find it very difficult to stay in love for the long haul and divorce becomes the final end of their marriage.
Take a look around you and it won't take long to figure out that almost everyone has been divorced at least once. The US divorce rate was over 50% in 2003. This is a dramatic increase from the early 1900s when the rate was around 3-5%. Actually, forget that statistic, the truth is that almost every American will go through at least one divorce in his or her lifetime. What are the differences between the early 1900s and the year 2003? Sex before marriage! Back in the early 1900s even those who were not saved respected and believed that sex outside of marriage was not to be done or permitted. But besides all that it's wrong in the eyes of God (I Corinthians 6:18, 10:8, I Thessalonians 4:3).
Truthfully speaking if your boyfriend is even discussing the possibility of having sex with you before marriage then you need to get rid of him period! I realize that it maybe very difficult and that you feel he loves you and that you love him, but trust me, he doesn't love you. How do I know that? Because he's trying to drive a wedge between you and God. And that's exactly what will happen if you have premarital sex with him.
No, you won't lose your salvation, but you'll always have trouble with doubting your salvation and your relationship with the Lord will suffer greatly. And on top of that, you will have to reap what you have sown. That means that you will have to pay for your sin against God and that's always without exception a greater price than you will want to pay. Think of the most disastrous thing that could happen in this relationship and that will probably only be the beginning of what you will have to endure.
Don't do this horrible sin against God. You will regret it greatly and it will leave you feeling abandoned, rejected, frustrated, unloved, fearful, and a whole host of other undesirable feelings.
I hope I have helped you and if you need more advice please don't hesitate to write me back.