I'm Confused About What God Wants & Can't Enjoy Life

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June 9, 2005

I find myself at the age of 32 more confused about what God wants/expects than ever before. I used to have confidence in my place/expectations/results but it seems now that I doubt everything I do, enjoy, want, etc...to the point where I feel everything I do, enjoy and want...well, is wrong and damning me to hell w/ no escape.   I'm suddenly reading/hearing so many different version of what God says that I'm confused.  Also, I have a hard time trusting/hearing things as since they're never the same....how do I know what to take as truth. If masters are confused everywhere....I feel that I certainly don't know what I'm doing.  I am full of guilt, depression and hopelessness now as I feel I have no idea what to do and that I have become damned somehow.  Every time I make a mistake I feel I am doomed for I don't know how to seek true forgiveness.  Everything I find to be fun I feel that God is angry w/ me for it so I can't find joy in anything anymore.  I know I'm supposed to be helpful/kind/loving but sometimes I want to enjoy the fruits of life but don't enjoy anything anymore and well...you get the point.  I have slowly crept into this rut and my depression has become somewhat paralyzing where at one point in my life I was full of vigor and excited expectations...now I only fear chastisement and have shame in everything I do and doubt me very being.  Any help you can offer to lead me to a proper reading/understanding/etc.. of this type of phase in my life will be ridiculously appreciated. Thanks,

I know how you feel.  Most everyone goes through this at some point in his or her life in varying degrees. 

When you say "things you enjoy" are they considered sins as far as the Bible maybe concerned?   

There are plenty of things I would enjoy doing temporarily but in the end I know that they are not of God in any quantity.  If we sin voluntarily or try to replace our love for the Lord with an earthly pleasure, in the end, we will always come up empty as King Solomon found out. 

Let me ask you a question.  What are you doing for the Lord?  Do you have a mission for Him or are you just living for yourself?  Just getting up and going to work everyday, coming home and enjoying life isn't at all what God left you on this earth for. Sure He saved you, promised to provide your needs and He does want you to be happy....on His terms.  When I say His terms I mean that not everything that comes into your life will be to make you happy.  God's mission for you is to make you holy which will in turn prepare you to do His will.  Many times there is a lot of pain involved with that because it's against our fleshy nature to be conformed to the image of Christ.  If you look at the apostle Paul he is an example of what a sold out Christian may have to go through to be more like Christ and to be prepared to do the will of God.

Name, if I were you, I would ask the Lord to make you happy in Him.  Obviously, you're not happy with the direction you have taken your life.  Next, I would take a look at how I am preparing myself as a soldier for the Lord.  Are you praying and reading your Bible daily?  Are you attending your local church with a purpose in mind?  When I say "with a purpose in mind", I mean are you going just to put your time in or to equip yourself for service.  If you're not doing anything for the Lord, then I can bet you're just putting in your time. 

Lastly, being a useful soldier for the Lord is just like any other discipline...it takes work.  Now I didn't say salvation takes work (Christ did that on the cross), but to be a successful soldier for the Lord does take work and many times requires pain and sacrifice. 

There’s something else you should consider.  Many times God uses various ways to get our attention.  As a Christian, God is concerned with our spiritual growth.  If you are heading in the wrong direction He takes a personal interest in getting you back on track.  Is God trying to get your attention? 

If you’re uncertain you need to get on your face before the Lord and seek Him.  Ask the Lord to reveal sin in your life and listen for things He brings to your mind.  Be ready to confess it and make things right.  Take your Bible with you; the Lord may bring a scripture to mind.   Be prepared to spend sometime on your knees and it may not come in one day.  But set your mind to waiting on the Lord and accepting whatever His answer maybe.

Pastor Malone

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