Questions & Answers To Everyday Life
My Spouse Is Not A Christian, Loves Money More Than His Family, And Has Moved Out! What Should I Do?
Reader: Hello I have question on the "When should I leave" prophecy/article..
I have been married 9 years have 2 children with my husband ages 2 & 3. He has always put work and money before my girls and I to the point that he wasn't there for me on both of their births. We are both self employed, so I understand the concept about making money and the business aspect of it as I do well for myself financially. However, never would I give up my marriage or children for money. I have talked to him about this for the last 3 years, cried about it, received council, prayed about it, left him for a few months to see if he would change. I moved out, to the point where he has his own apartment now and we no longer live together. It has been this way for 3 years, where he's in and out of the house due to the fights about his obsession with work and making money, verbal abuse, amongst other issues but mainly work and money...the mammoth lord. When I first met him 9 1/2 years ago he claimed to be a Christian but he was not. We married after only 3 months of dating, at the time I was a devoted Christian and he was borderline atheist but believed in the lord and said deep down he was a Christian. Now it's kind of the same thing except he goes to church a little more and maybe even tithes...he is also receiving some council once a week from our pastor but not attending church regularly. I'm tired of this situation, he doesn't even live in my home. Everyone has the misconception that I'm a single mom because they always see me alone with my girls everywhere we go. He doesn't ask to see his girls ever because he is so caught up w making money...and there's even been times were I had pre-cancer and surgeries to treat it and he has abandoned me to go to work. He refuses to pick up the girls from preschool because he states that would be cutting into his "day" and refuses to drop them off at 8:45am because he says that's to late to start "his day"....we are not struggling financially by no means therefore he can't really say that were in a struggle and that this is why he does the things he does like neglect us. At times when he's been called from daycare to pick up our daughter due to a high fever and potential seizure he has literally told the daycare "well let me finish up my meetings and I will be there in an hour or 2"...the daycare staff were shocked and floored by his irresponsible answer and attitude. He might as well have said I'll be there after she dies...I feel like he has lost himself and his soul in the money game in the last 3 years, I no longer recognize him nor who he is.
My question is, am I still under bondage to stay married to this man, even though we don't even live together anymore? I have not pulled the plug in all these years because I am afraid I will become an adulterer, but at the same time, I feel like I'm wasting my life away, have done counseling and everything else there is to do, I have given it my 110% and I know a Christian man would not only not act this way but would not live this way...Help, what am I to do?? I want to be released from this marriage...
This situation is not ideal but not uncommon. There are marriages like
this all over the world. I can assure you there are many Christian men
this bad or worse. There are many Christian men and women who put their
business above their marriage and family. In fact, I can tell you that
there are many ministers who put their ministries ahead of their marriage and
The fatal mistake many Christian's make is taking the word of a possible mate that they are a Christian when their actions don't necessarily match what they say. It is always best to only get involved with someone that is actively living a Christian life and have fruit to support their lifestyle.
Now that you have married this person, Christian or not, you are married. Biblically, you have no grounds for leaving the marriage as it stands right now. You may say he's not living the Christian life, but that changes nothing as far as the Bible is concerned. It only changes your mission. According to the Bible, your mission changes from an obedient Christian wife to an obedient Christian wife who is commanded to be a living witnesses to her husband. It is now your job to lead him to the Lord through your Christian testimony. Here's what the Bible says about this very situation:
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives. While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear (I Peter 3:1-2).
He may be caught up in making money but that's not grounds for divorce. If you've already talked this out with your husband, and he refuses to change, you need to start praying that God will change his heart. Whether he cuts back on work or not that's not going to change his heart toward God. He needs to turn his life over to the Lord, and according to the Bible, you are suppose to play a major part in making that transformation possible. You were in love with him at some point. That love is still there somewhere in your heart. The question is, are you willing to be obedient to the Lord and do your part? According to your own testimony, you don't believe he is Christian. So according to the Word, he has no part spiritually. You must be his connection for which the Lord can work through to get Him saved. This is my advice according to the Bible.
I hope this has helped you.
Reader: Yes this has helped a lot Terry, I have tears in my eyes as I read this... as I read this I realize that God has chosen me to be the light in this marriage...I really appreciate you responding, the only doubt I have left at this point is about him having his own apartment and being an unbeliever...he's had his own apartment for about a year now and doesn't live in the home. Is that just something I pray over and wait and see...or is that considered him the unbeliever leaving the home and I must let him leave? He hasn't seen or asked to see our daughters in a month either and there's no child support ordered either.
My Response: I would continue to be faithful to the Lord and pray for guidance on how to re-unite this home. The home needs to be re-united so you can fulfill your role as a Christian witness, mother and wife. Your daughters need this home to be re-united. They need a father and a mother who live together. At this point, the decision for him to come back home is up to him. If he left on his own without you asking him to live, then it's his responsibility to come back. But so many times today, the wife is telling the husband to get out. If the latter is the case, it is your responsibility to ask him back in the home.
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