Divorce And Anger: After The Divorce What Then?

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September 12, 2002

Question

Grace and Peace. I hope you remember me, if not I'm the person who sent you Question #42: Divorce or Not to Divorce: Hard Answers.

Well, it's been over a year since my question and I'm happy to report that my divorce will be final shortly. However, since our court date on 7/24/02, I'm still living with my soon to be ex-husband. The living arrangement is ruff, and I really trying to hang in until I have the authority to put him out of my apartment.

I've come to a place where I've learned how to forgive my husband and his girlfriend. But, I really fighting bitter feelings against him. I don't know if it's the living arrangement or if I'm really allowing bitterness to take a foothold.

I feel so stupid that I wasted ten years total with this man (six married and four dating). I sometimes get into such a rage I want to physically hurt him, and make him feel some of the pain he's caused me. I try to deal with him amicably in front of my daughter, but he can really take me to the point of no return. His constant lies and mutualation drive me crazy, and now that I see him for who he really is, I hate him.

How can I control these emotions, are they healthy? If GOD knows this isn't a good relationship and he's confirmed by strengthening me through this process of divorce, then why hasn't GOD helped me to remove this man from my life?

How, can I deal with this man without compromising myself and stand strong in my convictions? I even feel sometimes he's sent directly from the enemy to destroy me!

Answer

He has been manipulated by satan to destroy himself and all those that he may come in contact with. So in that respect, yes, he is sent of the devil.

I do remember you. I'm sorry it didn't work out but it wasn't your fault. I realize that the thought of giving your life to someone and have them brush it aside in adultery is unforgivable. This is very difficult to overcome.

Bitterness and anger are natural responses to tragedies of this magnitude. As far as getting over it, I have no spiritual remedies for this. All you can do is turn it over to the Lord and allow Him to do His will in your life from this point on. Of course, forgiving your husband and his girlfriend is a step in the right direction.  Not too many people could do that or would even want to, but that is what the Lord would want...not for your husbands sake but for yours. It will allow God to work in your life and bring about the healing process. You can't allow your ex-husband to keep you in bitterness and anger.

How long it will take for you to overcome this is up to you in allowing the Lord to work. But despite what you may think at this time, stay focused on the Lord and allow Him to work it out, even though you may not want to at times.

I'll be honest, the next few months will be rough and you may want to just quit at times and give into anger and frustration. That's where your Christian friends and family come in. When you feel that bitterness is coming upon you, call or visit a trusted friend that can pray for you. Call or visit a friend that you can talk to that will keep your conversations secret. During some of the most frustrating times of my life, when bitterness and anger would come over me, I would go to my father and he would listen and pray for me. It helped me to get through some very difficult times.

I hope that this has helped you. I will continue to pray for you that the Lord will bless you, your children and bring your husband back to the Lord. He's the only one that can turn this tragic event around.

Pastor Malone

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