Your comments and questions are always welcome. To send comments and questions please click here to go to our main page.
June 9, 2005
Question
Hello
Pastor Malone,
I
have been filled with extreme anger, resentment and revenge since my divorce
(which lasted almost three years and was final in Feb.) For a few weeks after
the divorce I finally felt a wee bit of peace. Then the anger and revengeful
feelings stirred up again. I think it has to do with the fact that my ex is
going to be marrying the woman (who is very controlling and manipulative) that
he had the affair with in two weeks. I put on a happy face in front of my seven
yr old son and yet I cannot seem to get past this. I pray asking God to remove
these feelings and to help me do his will, but they just keep occupying my head.
Any suggestions?
Signed,
Hurting
one
Answer
I
am assuming that your husband had an affair and you were totally faithful
throughout the marriage. I say this because there is always a price to pay
whether it is one sided or two sided. Certainly the wages of sin even by
one side is devastating and both sides feel its destructive nature several
generations deep. That doesn't even take into account friends and acquaintances.
This is a good example of how the effects of sin hit even the innocent.
But
back to your question! I have counseled many who are in your situation.
The first thing you must do is find forgiveness for the person who has wronged
you. This is probably the toughest thing a person can do, but you're not
doing it for your ex-husband but for yourself.
Let
me explain. When you get angry, resentful and bitter toward another
person it only affects you and makes you a very unhappy person. It also
has a toll on your children, family and friends. Obviously, they're going
to be involved in some form or fashion.
I
am assuming that your ex-husband knows that you are angry and bitter toward
him. If that’s the case, you need to let him know that you forgive him.
Of course, before you do that you need to ask the Lord to help you through this
because this won't be easy.
Once
you’ve done that, again pray and ask the Lord to lift this great weight of
anger and revenge from you. You may have to pray this everyday before you
are truly free.
A
pit that many fall back into is, after we have forgiven the person, we continue
to bring up damaging thoughts about the person replaying the past until we are
in the same state of anger, resentment and revenge. You must at all cost
avoid walking into satan's trap.
Remember,
your life is in the Lord's hands no matter the circumstances. He will work
things out for your good (Romans 8:28) even though you don't understand it at
the time.
Of
course, we don't always understand why things happen and may not until we meet
the Lord in the sky. But now it is the time to trust the Lord from this
day forward and let Him do His will.
I
hope this has helped you.